The Generational Cycles of Motherhood

As a mom with young children, I often find myself reflecting on the childhood my own mother worked tirelessly to give me and my brother. She nurtured our independence, modeled strength, and created memories that still resonate with me as I build my own family. But lately, I’ve found myself in a whirlwind of thoughts about my children’s future and the lasting impact of the decisions I make today. Is it just me or does anyone else try to plan out the next 20 years down the road? Like of course I need to know what high school my son is going to go to when he's three years old and if I choose the wrong neighborhood, Ill be affecting the rest of his life choices… just me??

My mom always said how being a mother was why she was put on this earth by God. She loved us deeply and most of the time put us before herself. When I think about this, I feel guilty. Why don't I love being a mom as much as her? I love my kids, but damn it is hard. The constant back and forth of doing what is right for them, but also making sure that I take care of myself because my biggest fear is quite frankly losing myself in motherhood. Yet, this innate feeling of mothering still overcomes. I feel as if my mind is playing a game of ping pong, going back and forth between all of my different personalities. 

Since I have a background in human development and family studies, I decided to hit the textbooks again to try to find some answers. Usually I would pick up my bible, but right now I needed some cold hard facts, I wanted to see statistical numbers, not Jeremiah 29:11. Carl Jung, a pioneering psychologist, spoke of universal patterns in human behavior that he called archetypes. Among these are the “Mother” and “Hero” archetypes, which help explain recurring family dynamics across generations. Jung believed that these archetypes exist within our collective unconscious, influencing each generation almost as if they’re woven into our DNA. As mothers, we embody the “Mother” archetype, shaping our children’s lives with guidance and values. However, there’s a twist: the more we lean into one archetype, the more likely the next generation is to seek balance by embodying its opposite. 

For example, if one generation emphasizes independence and exploration, the next may long for stability and tradition. It’s like each generation finds itself in a dance with the one before, sometimes resisting it, other times seeking to build upon it, often cycling back to rediscover what was “left behind.” It is amazing how God put people on this earth to figure out all of this stuff. I mean, I know we are made by God, but he had to anoint someone to explain the inner makings of man-kind! Thanks to Carl, I can see how my own archetype is at a crossroads. I am trying to find balance in my mothering and being the hero by going off on my own to seek understanding. Neither one is better or worse than the other. Its kind of like enneagram numbers, we are all different and it is important to celebrate our differences and lean in to what makes us unique rather than conform to the societal norms of the times.

As I navigate these ideals, I try to make sure my faith provides both a grounding and a guide. Hey, is St. Augustine can do both, so can I. Not that I am comparing myself to a saint by any means... Anyways, Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” The Bible acknowledges this cyclical nature—each generation must be nurtured, guided, and, ultimately, given the space to grow. To me, this verse is a promise that, while my children may wander or seek their own paths, the seeds I plant today will endure. And while I continue to help God pave the path for my kids, I also have my own path where I can follow His footsteps. Reflecting on these cycles reminds me that, ultimately, parenting is a journey of surrender. We do our best to instill the values we hold dear, to nurture and guide our children, knowing they’ll reinterpret and build upon them. Embracing these cycles isn’t about trying to control the outcome but about having faith that what we instill will resonate deeply, even as they seek their own way.

As I think about the way my mom raised me, I see myself in the middle of this beautiful, challenging cycle—honoring what she taught me, making it my own, and watching as my children begin to shape it into something uniquely theirs. Whether it’s through social archetypes, or biblical wisdom, there’s a comfort in knowing that these generational cycles are part of a much larger story—a story we all contribute to, one growing family at a time.

Xo, Ashley