Rebranding Tik Tok Tradwives

I recently joined Tik Tok and have discovered a whole new world of rabbit holes and differing opinions. But I guess that is what this platform is for. Not like its counterpart, Instagram where you are mostly engaging with your friends and family, AKA people you actually know. Maybe that is why Tik Tok users feel comfortable speaking their often times unsolicited thoughts because it can disappear within seconds and a majority of the followers don't know you from Adam.

Speaking of which, let's discuss the TikTok iteration of the emerging concept of Tradwives. To be honest, at first I thought it was a joke when a Lucy Ricardo looking woman in a 50s style dress and ruffled apron came across my feed. She exuded a perpetual smile as she elegantly cleaned her kitchen in high heels. After further research (cough, scrolling Tik Tok, cough), I learned that these women seemlinging putting on this type of show because it caters to male preferences.. I'm sorry, but this type of content might be one step above posting pictures of your feet on Only Fans. Any modern woman can attest that this portrayal is far from reality. Most of us are lounging in our robes well past noon, sporting a haphazard bun that we mistakenly believe to be chic but in reality resembles Miss Trunchbull's unkempt hair. While I advocate for authenticity, perhaps I shouldn't judge these individuals. Nonetheless, I will stay true to my own beliefs and share my perspective - after all, this is the realm of the internet.

So did we just set our generation back 50 plus years? Throughout history, women were often overshadowed by men's representation. Yet, when you think back to most women of across the eras, they were the ones who were the backbone of the family, often making the hard decisions for their partner. I recall the timeless saying, "Behind every man is a woman keeping him in line." I mention this because I like to think of this Laura Wilder version of a wife and mother more than the Betty Draper one. Don’t get me wrong, I would do anything to make Don Draper happy, but there’s something about the “tradwives” of that age that are setting today’s overdone homemaking TikTokers back a couple of decades.

So we are rebranding the term tradwives as seen on TikTok and other platforms.

The Modern Tradwife:

Those who hold the traditional values of homesteading in a modern society. They enjoy taking care of their family's needs, but aren’t afraid to admit that they need help. 

When I envision a traditional wife or partner, I think of a person from the 1920s when women were primarily responsible for cooking, cleaning, and caring for their children. Let's revisit our earlier reference to Laura Wilder from Little House on the Prairie. The men would head off to work while the wives remained at home, managing the household independently. Even the children had tasks to help with the household chores, without todays distractions like Bluey or PJ Masks. Despite the challenges, this dynamic fostered a strong family bond where everyone had a role to play. The husbands, often away for days due to work, supported the household efforts and showed a level of respect towards their spouses that seemed to diminish in later years.

As we fast forward to the present day, these traditional values are making a comeback. However, it would be simplistic to claim that society has completely evolved in terms of gender roles, and we must be cautious in our approach to this new modern perspective on traditional responsibilities. Nowadays, women have the freedom to either pursue a career or stay at home to care for their children. They have the autonomy to choose their path and follow their aspirations. It is important to acknowledge that both choices come with their own challenges.

I once came across a quote that stated being a stay-at-home mom is hard on the mind, while being a working mom is hard on the heart.

We yearn to be present for our children, yet we also seek fulfillment and recognition in our professional lives. This shift in career dynamics has also brought about a reevaluation of gender norms. Some women find themselves as the primary breadwinners in their families, while their husbands or partners opt to stay home and look after the children.

In reality, irrespective of gender or work status, it must be acknowledged that this parenting shit is hard.

The moment when I realized that the responsibility of caring for a new human being entering our lives rested solely on me is unforgettable. I was 40 weeks pregnant with our first born son, James. It was covid, my husband and I were on a walk during lunch like we did most days back then since we were all stuck at home. However, he had just started a new job position and was understandably stressed the f out. I had just quit my teaching position because I did not want to go back into schools during a world of masks and social distancing. I acknowledge my privilege in being able to make this choice and was excited to embark on this new journey as a stay-at-home mom for our family.

As I was stepping up and down the curb on our street, I asked my husband the innocent question of “how long is your paternity leave again?” He looked at me with big eyes, a look that I knew was not going to give me the answer I wanted to hear. He would get two weeks, maybe, and who knows if he would actually take it. 

The sidewalk suddenly became longer as I gazed forward, not knowing what to say to him. Thoughts were swirling around my head. Without even thinking, the only thing I could say was, "so it's just going to be me at home with the baby???" We walked back the rest of the way home in utter silence. 

We both knew what the other one was thinking. We both felt guilt. He wanted to be there for me, but also felt the burden of being the sole provider for the family.  I felt guilty for feeling upset about being the only one at home with the baby. Why couldn't I feel excitement about this? All I had ever desired was to become a mother, and now I had the opportunity.

I was afraid, uncertain, clueless – what if I wasn't good at it? Ironically, despite managing a classroom of over 20 students, caring for one individual made me feel lost.

Two kids later and I am just now starting to figure it out… kind of. If there is one thing I've learned, it's that you have to give yourself grace and feel confident in who you are as a parent, tradwife, partner, whatever it is you identify as.

Finding your village, and seeing your spouse as your true partner will help you tremendously. It's okay to admit that you can't do this alone. And you DO NOT have to be in high heels to do it either.